What I know...

I felt I should share this. Some of you have heard it before. In fact, this pretty much sums up everything I've posted before on this blog in a 2 minute speech. I wrote this November 18th, 2009 for a relief society meeting (the day after Isaac was diagnosed with Diabetes, the week after Matthew was turned down for an IEP, etc. I was completely overwhelmed with life). I've been thinking a lot about it for several reasons...1)because I gave a lesson on journals to my girls at church a few weeks ago and the importance of keeping records and written testimonies. The scripture always come to my mind that because we have received such great blessings, we need to be a witness of Him who gave them to us. This blog is my attempt at being brave and opening up to people, to be that witness. 2)Because we just watched our loved ones say goodbye to their wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt and grandmother. It was a hard day. But, they have faith in their Savior. Aunt Sandy left no doubt in what she believed. I want there to be no doubt in my beliefs. 3)Because of the blog that my sister started "Who knew I'd need to know?". I keep sitting down to write something for it and what it really comes down to is...I don't know anything...BUT this.

When I was asked to share how my testimony has been a blessing to me I thought, I can’t share that in 2 minutes. I have been blessed with so many miracles in my life and can see God’s hand guiding me through it, my testimony has been easily strengthened. I thought about my testimony and one thing-actually a little cluster of things-stand out that lift me and strengthen me every day – things that I know for sure and would not be able to get through life without.

We all have our trials in life. Mine are medical issues with my children. I manage 30 medications, 5 medical machines and all of their supplies, 15 doctors and all of the appointments that go with them. My children have 18 medical diagnoses together, the most recent came this Tuesday, diabetes. We’ve had approximately 30 surgeries/hospital stays. We have a no fat diet, a no peanut diet and now we count carb choices and give insulin shots. I have calendars and charts everywhere to keep records. We have to be scheduled and organized. The physical, financial, mental, and emotional strain is rough. It is very overwhelming! When do I find time to just be a mom and do all of the regular mom jobs.

When I was 19 the first grandchild of the family, Caitlin, was born to my brother and sister-in-law. It is her birthday on Saturday. She was born with Pseudo Zellwiggers and was given 3-6 months to live. She ended up living 18 months and I was given the wonderful blessing to be able to care for her while my brother and sister-in-law worked and went to school. She spent a good few weeks in the NICU at the beginning of life while they found what was wrong with her, placed a feeding tube and got her seizures under control.

My dad shared an experience he had during that time that blessed me tremendously. He said that one day while visiting, he left the family waiting area to go in and see Caitlin. As he stepped through the door, he felt an overwhelming sense of the love our Father in Heaven had for those little babies there. He knew who they were and he loved them and was caring for them. He stepped back and the feeling was gone. He once again stepped through the door way into the NICU and felt that overwhelming love again but this time for himself. He knew that Heavenly Father loved even his 50 year-old babies the same.

This experience of my dad’s strengthened the testimony in me. It planted a seed that Heavenly Father has made grow and grow. I know that Heavenly Father is WELL aware of me and of my children-our joys and our pains. He is our Father. Just as our own earthly parents, he wants the very best for us. He has joy when we feel joy, and he cries with us when we cry. It hurts him to watch us struggle just as we hurt when we watch our own children struggle.

As we search for and gain testimony that God does love us, it becomes easier and easier to obey. We love him more and more in return and would not want to ever cause Him sadness. Having this knowledge helps me rely on His Son whom He gave, our Savior and Redeemer, the one who takes our burdens from us, like we learn in Mosiah, that we cannot feel them upon our backs through the power of His atonement. This is what I know for sure…God does visit his people in their afflictions because He knows us and loves us, I am not alone, and with God, nothing is impossible. In all my years, and especially the last few years, this part of my testimony has been the greatest blessing to me. It gives me strength and peace WAY beyond what I am able to find on my own. I can’t do it without Him.